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i often notice some flaws in my character, flaws like praising myself "indirectly" most of the times, or thinking too highly of myself, sometimes i also compare myself with the people around me or the people i know and just after doing that i feel bad for doing so.
sometimes there are people who's personalities i find "shallow", who don't seem to operate from a center of seriousness, and they often are unsportsmanlike, so i tend to be a little unpolite (not rude) towards them because of my preconceived notions of them being on the spectrum of unfriendly to bad.
when the conversations are frank, i sometimes get carried away and say things like "share an unrelevant-to-the-conversation story" to get some validation, or i don't know there are so many of them.
i hesitate a little in saying "i don't know things". sometimes i ask questions just to ask them and don't hold on to them to think myself about them critically first. i rush into conversations sometimes running ahead of myself and as a result my language system completely falls apart, which i have to then reboot.
part reason of writing this is to later revisit it and see how far i have come, i don't think i can force things, i have to learn about them and find out for myself how wrong i was about them. i do appologize when i think it was too much, but for small things like self-praises, people tend to forget (as i do), so i just take an internal note.
flattery is a very dangerous thing, i learnt the hard way. it destroys the week willed and the one who flatters. i have learnt to not buy it and be wary of those who flatter too much, i like those who keep their eyes on your steps and correct you (politely) when you go wrong.
i think these flaws will stay to some degree as they are part of being human, and being aware of them saves me from "making a fool out of myself" unneccessarily and people won't detest my presense. this is not the same thing as "being scared of judgement" or "trying to stay in good books/not saying the right thing fearing disapprovals", i hope you understand.
