the content of a conversation matters the most and the way it has been said matters the least, though it matters somewhat. each word holds some context and some assumptions. if you don't focus on the content, you would find yourself in a made up context.
flattery is bad in general as it makes you dependent on others for validation and when that happens, someone else gets the power to decide how you feel or whether you feel validated or not. similarly criticism is good for opposite reasons.