printfdebugging - communication

don't fall prey to false ideas/observations

2025-12-17T00:00:00+00:00

our brains are wired to pay more attention to the negative side, to the shortcomings, to differences and it amplifies them. that's why some outrageous fake news spreads so fast, that's why we need moderators in forums and public rooms.

this becomes much more important in 1:1 conversations or even in group conversations specially at new places where we are constantly judging others and forming an opinion of them. take some time and let things settle, the "bad" guys aren't that bad and the "good" guys aren't that good, they are just people, just like you.

asynchronous conversations as a remote developer

2025-11-27T00:00:00+00:00

when working with a remote team, it is usually the case that people are working in different timezones so not everyone would be online when you are. being online doesn't mean that they are looking at the chat application, they might have put the notifications on do-not-disturb and might be in the middle of work. so you might not get an instant reply.

therefore the way to approach these conversations is to not ping someone unless important, as they might be disturbed by the notification. if it's urgent, then say so with the message, or else just drop the message, wait for a minute and go off and do your thing because you don't know when they are going to read it and reply.

conversations while looking at the self through other's eyes

2025-11-11T00:00:00+00:00

i find the who-cares attitude quite useful. it's about not caring what the other would think of you when you do or say or write something. it's about not being attached to the self so much that you seek praise or avoid criticism.

this doesn't mean write anything, of-course you must think about what you are writing but you must think without associating the sense self to it. you say what needs to be said and choose the words carefully</a>.

when you disassociate the self, you simply don't care if anyone reacted with emojis on your comment or what would others think, or who has seen what you wrote and who thinks what about it. this is specially noticable when you are interacting live with an audience or while giving a talk, you would be able to focus on the talk (the important thing at hand) and the self simply won't bother you, or praises won't bloat it, or criticism won't shatter it.

once you stop caring about the self, you would find that you are no longer looking for more emojis or sending more emojis. you would face this moment as is and not through a reflection in a self obsessed mirror which shows what it's owner wants to see. therefore you would notice that you are on the same page as others who don't live in reflections.

how you say it matters in ways you might not be aware of

2025-11-06T00:00:00+00:00

right when you think that you have a language figured out, you realize there's a human side to the language and it's interpretation which means how the others read/hear it matters. therefore communication is not just about language, but about how to use it's constructs to say what you want to say and make sure that the other hears what you wanted to say.

what you say might be perceived in ways that you can't even imagine because you lack some information that the readers/listeners have, but they might not know that you don't know what they know. thus the act of speaking or writing becomes one of much more responsibility where you might want to consult experts about how you should put something into words. the experts can be people, good books, recordings of events, or anything which makes your writing/speech a living thing, one which doesn't need explainations afterwards.

learn to see things as they are

2025-10-31T00:00:00+00:00

we read/see/hear what we want to based on our assumptions and expectations. this leads to missunderstandings and often we are nowhere close to what's being said (written or happening). the assumptions affecting our perceptions can be images we have made up in our heads, expectations which we hold close to us, etc.

when something sounds egregious or obvious, or you think you understood it in the first attempt, just stop for a moment and read it again and again, ask the other to repeat it, or clear your eyes and see it again. and then confirm whether you are biased to preceive that or is it really there. then you would be in a situation to make an informed decision.

also sometimes the infomration might be incomplete or tampered with, so always factor in that possibility and confirm things without reaching any conclusions.

see beyond flattery and gestures, the content

2025-10-28T00:00:00+00:00

the content of a conversation matters the most and the way it has been said matters the least, though it matters somewhat. each word holds some context and some assumptions. if you don't focus on the content, you would find yourself in a made up context.

flattery is bad in general as it makes you dependent on others for validation and when that happens, someone else gets the power to decide how you feel or whether you feel validated or not. similarly criticism is good for opposite reasons.

text conversations as a programmer

2025-09-25T00:00:00+00:00

happens on irc and internal channels. a context is set with the first message and it picks up direction as messages pile up. unlike in person conversations where you can cross question and interrupt the other person, these text based conversations have very less scope of diversion from the direction they have taken on.

i offended some people on irc doing that unknowingly, so please don't do that. let that conversation reach a conclusion then ask your questions which were not directly related but around the same topic and ask one question at a time.

the attitude to approach conversations

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

one's approach to conversations and discussions matters, whether one is there to assert dominance and gain validation or one is there to learn, to find out and help. one must remember it's not about them it's about the project or the bigger picture and they are just the means and not the end.

so whenever you are talking in front of the camera of an audience, just be yourself and focus on why you are there and do justice to that cause. don't be rigid and scared of judgement, good people care about the important things, a seasoned runner won't judge you, and what the bystanders think doesn't matter. don't look at yourself through someone else's eyes, it doesn't help. thus you don't have to force a smile or conform to a certain accent.

surviving conversations with clever people

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

"clever people" never say the thing that they want to say directly but rather start with a buildup around it which mostly is to present the thing from their perspectives and convince the listeners what they are saying is the truth. same goes for flattery, it's hardly of any use but it can cause great destruction if one falls for it.

simple things are said in few words without any sugar coating around. this makes things simple, without any hidden strings attached. good people say their piece and the terms.

the context of a conversation

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

each conversation has a context which sets some boundaries and some assumptions, and a group of people who are aware about it. some conversations are in private context, some are in public context. information related to a project's progress should remain in the public context.

private context involves company secrets or 1:1 conversations, they shouldn't be made public without the concent of concerned parties. in a conversation, changing context or saying something out of contexting is considered rude, sure you can change the context and the direction of conversation at transition points, but not in the middle, specially in meetings with a well defined agenda.

no question is a dumb question, just ask

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

most people who have questions but don't ask are those who are scared of other's judging them and their 'dumb' question. turns out most people don't care, they forget about it after a day or week. so one should not miss the opportunity and ask questions actively.

it doesn't mean "think and shoot", keep it with yourself for a moment or two and then ask, don't be in a hurry (you can ask later too). read programming and questions</a> to learn more.

verbal and non-verbal feedback in conversations

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

part of being a good listener is giving live feedbacks about the conversation, just listening quitely is not enough. this can be done by reflecting what you hear on your past experiences and finding out where that relates. then you can share what you understood by that thruogh the examples from the past. if you got it right, you would get a thumbs up, or else you would be corrected. the emphasis is on "speaking back" and not just listening and saying "yes" in the end.

your past experiences doesn't necessarily mean experiences but knowledge of things related to the topic in general. while certain feedback is important, some should be avoided. reacting to something without understanding it is a bad feedback, this applies not just to conversations but everything else.

assume things are said in good faith

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

developers can be straight forward at times, a bit unfiltered. being aware of this and taking arguments and criticism constructively can help you understand what's being said. with every comment the conversation takes a turn from one point to another, make sure your comments push it towards the positive direction.

not taking everything personally helps with this. trying to understand the argument from their perspective also helps deal with such issues or atleast not escalate it further. the goal is to come to a mutual understanding and for that it's important that you start out assuming that things are said in good faith.

don't mix laughs with dialogs

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

well laughter is important and conversations with some laughs in between are quite lovely. what i am talking about is laughter while speaking and it's different from being delighted while you speak about something. this applies specially when the audience is diverse, with different mother tongues and different languages.

mixing laughter with speech makes what's being said harder to understand, not just that, putting your thoughts into words is a serious affair, and laughter dilutes that. sure you can have phases of laughter and serious talk one after the other but never together.

really listening and not recording

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

no question is a dumb question, just ask</a>. but if you don't have any questions, you were probably not listening. a programmer must be as good a listener as a speaker. you should listen and see beyond the words, often one word packs a lot of assumptions and context which needs clarification.

avoid multitasking while in meetings and while talking to people. this helps understand the topic at hand better. pay attention to each word, build mental model of what's being said. reading good books and participating in deep conversations and then backtracking and avoiding fast paced content helps improve the listening.

entitlement to opinions and mindfulness

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

everyone is entitled to have opinions, but do they mean anything and where are they worth sharing. these are some questions one must ask themselves atleast once before sharing any opinions. for example political opinions aren't well placed in a developer chat.

opinions on abstract things don't mean much. one should not have opinions about things which they know nothing about. it also matters how an opinion is presented, wording matters, timing matters and the context of the conversation matters.

the pace of conversations

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

don't rush while speaking as it might make it hard for others to understand what you said specially when the audience is from different countries and aren't used to your accent. speaking slowly also gives you time to think and filter as there are things which you should not reveal like company secrets, remember the formal setting of programming conversations</a>?

over time you should develop your own unique speaking style. like mmeeks lowers down his voice around the end of the sentence or when mst takes pauses and talks in a plain sad tone about the writer bugs situation. thorsten raises his voice a little when he has to emphasise on something, like the hump in a camel case variable name, armin's classic "whatever, we will see"... this isn't easy, it requires quite some reading and awareness.

pauses don't have to be so awkeward

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

often pauses in conversations are associated with awkwardnewss where both parties are wondering what to talk about next. turns out pauses are not that awkward. conversations are living phenomenon and they have some quite moments, some heated ones and some balanced ones.

think of the pauses as an opportunity to absorb the last conversation and gain deeper insights about the topic, and about yourself. no one likes if you keep dragging a conversation without letting them have some space, some breathing room.

serious conversations and laughter

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

in a conversation about something serious, if a joke is cracked related to that in order to make fun of the mess one finds themselves in, you should see that joke in context of the serious topic, and then you will find that you are not laughing anymore.

the formal setting of programming conversations

2025-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

programmers are quite unfiltered people from different cultures, with different personalities. so their selection of words to express extreme expressions also vary. some tend to be nice and polite, while other's are more expressive and frank.

it's quite tempting to join the frank conversations and it's fine if you do but remember you are in a professional setting. some frank words from a senior developer's mouth might be perceived totally differently v/s the same words were uttered by a new joinee. it's about being aware of the line even in frank situations and actively maintaining a healthy distance from it.